


For Your Eyes Only

by la_comtesse



Series: aya dates the other hikawa [2]
Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: ChisaMisa is a minor pairing, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22140238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/la_comtesse/pseuds/la_comtesse
Summary: Sayo thought she knew what she was getting into when she decided to go out with an idol, but she didn't realize she'd be in over her head.A direct sequel to “From Aya, With Love.”
Relationships: Hikawa Sayo/Maruyama Aya, Okusawa Misaki/Shirasagi Chisato
Series: aya dates the other hikawa [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1593574
Comments: 13
Kudos: 88





	1. Chapter 1

_“Shuwa shuwa, dori dori~min!_ Yeah!” 

Eve, Chisato, Aya, and Hina jumped in unison, while Maya threw her drumsticks up in the air and caught them in what was admittedly a rare display of coolness. 

Sayo, watching from the audience, whispered along to the rest of the chorus and gripped her matching pink and blue lightsticks--one for Aya and one for her sister--tighter. What was she supposed to do with them, again? She noticed that the people around her were apparently shaking the lightsticks around to the beat of the music, but she didn't want to make herself _too_ obvious. Plus, it was difficult enough to hide her identity. Anyone who got a closer look at her would notice her similarities to her twin… No, instead she settled for quietly singing in unison with Aya.

Speaking of her twin… Aya and Hina shimmered on stage. Together they danced, sang back to back, and enchanted the audience, resplendent in cotton-candy hues. Sayo felt her chest constrict just a little, as it usually did whenever her jealousy towards Hina was dragged back out from whatever dark corners she'd tried to hide it in. She knew she was being foolish, but after years of feeling inferior, she still couldn't help herself.

Then Aya pivoted from her spot on the stage and saw her, or maybe Sayo thought she did, but her eyes glittered and she winked, before turning back around to entertain the rest of the crowd. _Damn that Maruyama-san._ Sayo felt her chest constricting again, but for different reasons. Slowly, hesitantly, she raised her lightsticks and lost herself in the momentum of the crowd.

\---

Waiting for Aya backstage was always a stressful situation for Sayo. The only reason she was even allowed to loiter back there in the first place was the fact that she was the guitarist's twin sister, and despite that, she always felt out of place. Sayo pulled out her phone and tried to distract herself, ignoring the buzz of the managers and staff and fans exiting the stadium, which at this point had all blended in together. She noticed Hina flit in and out of her range of vision out of the corner of her eye, followed by a flash of pale blonde hair--Chisato, probably, making sure that their guitarist finished her business with the band first before bothering her twin. 

Keeping herself busy, Sayo opened a link she'd received from Ako in their NFO group chat with Rinko. When the page finally loaded (Sayo’s phone plan kind of sucked) she saw a pixelated, pink… what _appeared_ to be monster alongside a large turquoise slime. But wait, did that slime have cat ears? And matching yellow ribbons? Sayo resisted the urge to press her hand to her forehead in exasperation. She was just about to reply to Ako's message with an inquiry when she felt arms wrap around her waist from behind. Sayo jumped and nearly elbowed the person behind her.

“H-hey! Sayo-chan! It's me, gosh!”

Aya nudged Sayo's elbow out of the way and stood up straight, smiling cheerfully, as Sayo turned her head to mumble a “Maruyama-san” in acknowledgement. She pointed to her phone and mentally prepared to ask Aya about the presence of Pastel*Palettes in the game when, before she could speak, Aya hugged her. Sayo felt her entire body warm up. When Aya pulled away, her smile was almost glittering.

“I'm so happy you're here, Sayo-chan. I was worried you wouldn't come, with Roselia preparing for that big festival and all!” Aya bounced happily in her spot, and Sayo felt her mood brighten with each movement.

“It's... Well, I make time for the important things. And...” Sayo turned her head and trailed off, aware that she was very visibly blushing. She couldn't bring herself to finish that sentence, and Aya giggled.

“Haha, Sayo-chan, you're always like this. But that's okay, I get what you mean!” Aya patted Sayo's shoulder. “Hey, how was I up there? How'd we do? I could sure use some critique from the guitarist of Roselia!” Aya winked.

Sayo opened her mouth to reply when suddenly, Hina bounced in between the two of them, nearly toppling her sister over.

“Onee-chan! It’s you! You actually came!”

“Eugh! Of course I did, Hina, I wasn't going to miss this show. I understand from Maruyama-san that it's the kickoff of your latest album release," Sayo nodded towards Aya, who chuckled awkwardly and rubbed the back of her head.

“Ah,” Hina said, as her smile curved into a mischievous grin, “so you came here for Aya-chan, eh? Hehe, I can't blame you~”

At that, both Sayo and Aya flushed a deep crimson. The two of them were still stammering out protests when a Pastel*Palettes manager interrupted their little gathering, muttering apologies. Apparently, it was time for the band to regroup in the dressing room and wind down, as well as prepare for the next show. Hina whined and insisted she stay and talk to her sister, while Aya looked between the siblings in a show of anxiety. Finally, the manager and their bandmate Chisato (really, to Sayo they may as well have been the same) pried Hina off.

As she was being led away, Hina grabbed Aya's arm to drag her along. She winked at Sayo. “Aww, man. Sorry me and Aya-chan couldn't talk much, onee-chan. But I'm so, so, _so_ glad you could make it! Right, Aya-chan?”

Aya smiled nervously in response. “Aha, yeah… Sayo-chan, I really am happy to see you. It's just we're so busy with the tour and--”

Sayo cut her off. “I understand, of course I understand. Don't sweat it, Maruyama-san,” she muttered. Then she gulped and tried her best to smile. She didn't want to show her disappointment too much, lest she discourage Hina or Aya. But Aya seemed to sense it anyway. Before Hina pulled her away for good, she reached out and patted Sayo's hand, eliciting another blush from her. 

“We'll hang out soon. I'm really bummed about it too… I'll see you soon, Sayo-chan.”

Sayo watched as Aya and Hina walked away in the opposite direction, management (meaning Chisato _and_ their actual manager) in tow. Maya and Eve had been walking further up ahead, and Eve ran back to dole out hugs to her tarrying bandmates.

Sayo rubbed her temples and sighed. She hadn't been… _together_ with Aya for that long, but ever since Pastel*Palettes’ tour began, she felt like nothing had really changed between them. She'd entered into a relationship with Maruyama Aya because the girl inspired her, and her grit stood out to her. And she also wanted to try her hand at a _relationship_ , that thing she'd heard and seen about so often everywhere she went, that heart-thumping experience that her bandmate Imai Lisa described, with a twinkle in her eye. 

If Sayo were to be honest with herself, there were many other reasons as well. One of them was the idea that she felt she could, in some way, be closer to Pastel*Palettes--her sister's band--and be more involved with them.

She knew she was being irrational. She should have expected Pastel*Palettes to be busy. She should have known this from the day she decided to date an idol. But she couldn't get her feelings, her intrusive thoughts out of her mind. 

And as she headed back home on the train, she thought of Hina. Her sweet little sister, who only wanted the best for her. But she thought of how close Hina and Aya were, and how it seemed like Aya was spending more time with everyone else--with _Hina_ \--than her.

Sayo’s heart clenched. She started to feel the same way as she did when she was watching them up on stage. _I shouldn't be thinking these things. Not about_ her _, not about them_. But still, she gripped the handrail on the train until her knuckles turned white, and she couldn't let go.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayo visits the Maruyama household.

It had been two months since the Pastel*Palettes live.

Sayo was lying down, draped across Aya's bed, the latter having invited her to the Maruyama household so that they could “catch up on things,” the true meaning of which Sayo couldn't discern. She lazily scrolled through the notifications on her phone, marking Ako's NFO messages as read while Aya paced around the room and recounted the day's practice in the most animated manner Sayo had seen in a while.

“And then, you should have seen Hina-chan. She kept teasing Eve-chan and then Chisato-chan had to--wait, Sayo-chan, are you even listening?”

“Uh huh.”

Sayo locked her phone and sat up on her elbows with the intention of getting up, but immediately Aya flopped down over the bed and across Sayo, trapping Sayo underneath her.

“Maruyama-san, get off.”

“Mmm, no! Not until you tell me what's wrong!”

Sayo sighed. Under normal circumstances, she would get at least a little flustered over Aya being so close to her. (Quite early on, she found, Aya took to skinship rather easily, and Sayo initially had trouble adjusting to that, being rather averse to affectionate displays herself. She eventually grew to appreciate it.) Yet, this time around, Sayo had something besides cuddling with Aya on her mind. In fact, it had been gnawing away at her for the past few months. Just then, within the privacy of Aya's room, she figured that this moment was the right time to talk about what she'd been agonizing over for so long.

Sayo gently placed a hand on Aya's right shoulder. She wasn't about to shove Aya away, but she did need a moment to collect her thoughts. She caught Aya watching her intently, and she closed her eyes.

Finally, she spoke.

“Maruyama-san, is our relationship an inconvenience to you?”

Sayo looked directly at Aya. The other girl seemed to be stunned into silence for a few seconds before she shook her head and uttered her next, stilted response.

“Nnn-no! Why would you even say that?! Sayo-chan?!”

Aya sat up and glared at Sayo, crossing her arms. Sayo looked down, noting that Aya was still straddling her, and a second later Aya caught on. She crawled off and sat next to Sayo properly.

Aya was still visibly perturbed. Puffing up her cheeks like that, Sayo briefly thought that Aya looked like a certain pink video game character, but she nipped that thought in the bud. This was a serious moment in their relationship, not like the playful skirmishes they often engaged in, and she would treat it as such.

“Truth be told, Maruyama-san, this issue has plagued my mind since a few months ago, when you first set off for that tour. It might have been the distance that stoked my unease, or the fact that you were always away, on television, smiling when I wasn't there.” She gulped. Just then, she feared she’d maybe said too much, but she couldn’t help the words that came out. Aya opened her mouth to reply, but closed it again when she saw Sayo make another motion to speak.

Sayo cast her gaze to the side, placing her hands on her lap as she continued. “I… suppose that sounds rather childish of me, to put it in that way. But the life you possess feels far away, even when I’m on my own stage. Idols are supposed to connect to their audiences, aren’t they? If so, I feel that it’s the opposite… almost as if you’d carry on just fine without me,” Sayo mumbled. She reached up and twirled a lock of her own hair around her finger, as she was prone to do when she felt nervous. 

“Maruyama-san, if you think I’m too overbearing, now is the time to let me know. I’ve always had a jealous streak, I suppose, but I didn’t want it to affect… To affect what we have, here.” Sayo looked down. 

“Sayo-chan…” Aya swallowed. Her voice was trembling, and Sayo knew this was a bad sign. “Sayo-chan, what the heck do you mean?!” Aya got off the bed and stood in front of Sayo.

“Of course I care about you, Sayo-chan! It’s not like I can help my job! You said it yourself, it was gonna be difficult to date an idol. Why are you bringing this all up now?!”

Aya, quick to cry, was already on the verge of tears. Sayo was regretting letting herself speak up.

“I… We’ve just… Pastel*Palettes has been so busy lately. I missed you! I wanted to see you! Did you think I wasn’t thinking about you?”

“Maruyama-san--”

“Wait.” Aya’s eyes widened.

“Sayo-chan, this isn’t about Hina-chan, is it?” 

Sayo froze. _There it is._ She knew that Aya would figure her true reasoning out soon enough, but now that Aya was directly confronting her with it, she felt slightly ill. Despite all her pretenses of feeling lonely and left out of Aya’s life due to the latter’s busy schedule as an idol, both of them knew what was at the root of it all--a lifelong-held resentment, envy so insidious that it continued to haunt her thoughts and dreams long after she thought she’d killed the specter behind it. In that moment she felt a bit like a child who’d been caught red-handed by the teacher, even when she wasn’t technically guilty of anything, unless one counted her inability to let go of the past.

Eventually, under Aya’s watchful gaze, she stammered out a response.

“I--It’s--”

“You don’t have to explain it, Sayo-chan,” Aya cut her off, as she shook her head. “But I wish you’d told me about it earlier. Your problems with Hina-chan, I mean. I didn’t know how much it still affected you. I… I wish I knew.” She balled her hands into fists, crumpling the ends of her dress. She looked at Sayo sadly.

Sayo’s heart sank at the disappointment in Aya’s eyes. Of course this wouldn’t be the first time someone was disappointed in her on Hina’s behalf, but it cut more deeply when it was Maruyama-san, a girl who should have been left out of the conflict she created between her and her twin but who with regards to the sisters occupied the unfortunate position between bandmate, friend, and something more.

“Do you not trust me, Sayo-chan? I thought we were better than this.”

“Maruyama-san, wait, you’ve got that wrong--”

“ _Yura, yura, yura, yura, ring dooong!_ ” 

Sayo and Aya both paused in place when they heard the familiar ringtone. Aya looked at her phone, lying face up on the bed next to Sayo. A picture of Shirasagi Chisato appeared on the screen as the tune played. Sayo felt her heart pounding through her chest.

“It’s Chisato-chan,” Aya muttered, and she picked up the phone, ever the dutiful bandmate. She held up a hand to excuse herself as she greeted Chisato on the phone, immediately switching to an artificially sweet tone of voice that would have made it painfully obvious to the actress on the other line that something was perhaps not all right. But Sayo let her be.

While Aya was in the hallway, and with only scant bits and pieces of the conversation flowing into the room, Sayo drew her knees in and let herself fall back on the bed. Putting her hand to her forehead, she felt a cold sweat. Though she hadn’t eaten anything besides a bite of a sandwich her bandmate Lisa offered to her earlier that day, she felt her stomach churning. Sayo curled in closer to herself.

Had she gone too far? Was she being too dramatic? Would her stubborn jealousy over Hina cost her yet another bond--her first relationship? Terrified thoughts swirled in Sayo’s head, no matter how many times she told herself to calm down, and refused to let up until she heard a voice outside again.

“Sayo-chan.”

Aya’s voice was muted, but it was there. Sayo felt a hand nudging her shoulder.

“Sayo-chan, are you okay?” 

Sayo rolled over and looked up, seeing Aya’s face. Aya seemed to be worried, which gave Sayo quite the whiplash from her expression earlier.

“You were on your side and you looked sick, I was wondering if you’d had anything to eat,” Aya explained. “Um, you’ve been here a while, Sayo-chan, do you want to stay for dinner?”

Sayo blinked. “Maruyama-san, what about--”

“We can talk about that later,” Aya replied brusquely. Sayo wasn’t sure how she felt about it. Aya must have detected her confusion, though.

“Ah! Please don’t take that the wrong way, Sayo-chan… I talked about it a little with Chisato-chan, while we were discussing the next shoot--It kinda just came up, I hope you don’t mind--and uh, I think we’ve both had a long day, so maybe we should really just call it a night for now and sort our feelings out later. Uh, um, if you’re okay with that, of course!”

 _She’s hiding something,_ Sayo thought, though she was in no position to be opening an investigation into the matter. Instead, she shook her head and sighed. If Aya was to pretend she was fine, so could Sayo, and for that matter they would both go back to the images they displayed in public.

“I… think you’re right, Maruyama-san. And if the Maruyama household is fine with it, I would like to eat some dinner before heading home. It’s been a long day for both of us, indeed.”

“Oh! No need for that! You’re staying over!”

“Eh?”

Aya huffed. “It’s super late and I’m not letting you go home alone like this!”

“But the clothes and the bed--”

“You can borrow my clothes,” Aya flushed a little. “I’ll take an emergency futon.”

Aya spoke hurriedly, as if she was conducting business rather than talking to her girlfriend. Sayo supposed she understood, though, but she felt a little sad.

“If that’s what you prefer.” Sayo gave her affirmation.

The rest of the evening passed by without incident. At dinner, Sayo made small talk with the Maruyama parents, who were under the impression that Sayo was just a friend. Aya’s little sister, who liked to tease Sayo, was away on a sleepover of her own. Deep down, Sayo was thankful for that. Children were extraordinarily perceptive, and she didn’t need anyone prying into her relationship issues.

While brushing her hair after taking a bath, Sayo notified her own parents that she’d be staying at Aya’s house. Aya was happy to hear that they’d agreed, though now that they were alone, she kept her distance. Sayo did the same. The wounds from their fight were still fresh, and Sayo felt with mounting dread that more damage was to be inflicted soon enough. 

They bid each other good night, and Aya sounded more formal than usual. Sayo lied down in her bed--Aya’s bed, actually--and turned to face the wall. On the pillow she could still smell the lingering shampoo Aya used, and she felt her face heat up. Sayo cursed herself for acting like a schoolgirl in love (though she supposed that’s what she was, in the end) and sighed. The blue light from Aya’s phone screen flickered behind her, and she could see the shadows cast on the wall. Aya was certainly texting her friends or other members of Pastel*Palettes, and while it made Sayo feel better to imagine that Aya was trying to get her mind off things, she couldn’t help but feel that she was being watched.

A stray thought drifted into her mind. _A sleepover at Maruyama-san’s where nothing ever happened. Hina’s never going to give me the end of it._

Sayo drew her blanket over herself.

_Hina._

_Why’d she have to come up now?_

_But wait, none of this is her fault. None of it at all. It’s always been mine._

The blue light flickered. Sayo squeezed her eyes shut, tossed around, and opened them again.

_Why am I like this now?_

_No, I’ve always been like this._

The shadows stopped dancing on the wall. Aya had shut her phone off.

Sayo closed her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY Y'ALL here's a chapter! i know it's been a while and i'm really sorry to all my readers for posting this update so late. i got a new job pretty soon after posting the first chapter, then 2020 sort of slid into hell for me, as i'm sure it did for a lot of people. for a while i also felt fairly separated from the bandori fandom, so i felt i couldn't write about these characters like i could before, but i didn't want to leave this work unfinished. i have more typed up and planned, so stay tuned! i promise it won't take as long next time haha!
> 
> i would also like to thank my friend Yona for proofreading much of chapter 2 and helping me brainstorm the last part. you the MVP, yonacchi

**Author's Note:**

> So I didn't think I'd be getting back into writing Bandori, but here we are. I wanted to write Sayo's PoV since I couldn't get to it last time, and it took me a while to figure it out. Originally this first chapter was supposed to be a lot longer, but I decided to cut it and save the rest for the rest of the fic. I hope you enjoyed it, and let me know what you think!
> 
> My twitter: @nozomami_tojo


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